Month: June 2006

Fair warning: this week’s post contains contents of a scatological nature. And for the unlearned, no that word has nothing to do with jazz vocal improvisations. Just read on.

As I mentioned before, one of Sam’s strongest, greatest passions right now is Thomas the Tank Engine. She loves watching the show and when we brought her home a board book featuring the titular train she went bonkers and wanted to read it over and over and over again for several days straight. Now, on a seemingly unrelated point, Sam has had some trouble grasping this whole potty training business. She’s actually okay with the wet works, if you know what I mean, but learning to put numero dos in its designated place is kind of a weak spot in her program. So, I decided to follow some solid (pardon the pun) sounding advice and turn one of Sam’s strengths, Thomas the Tank Engine, against her weakness, the proper placement of …you know. I learned this from an wise old Chinese man who was well versed in the art of war. You know the guy. He used to live down the street from me in Tulsa? Drove a bitchin’ black and gold Trans Am and always talked about getting his real estate license? Yeah, that guy.

What I did was go out on my lunch break and buy Sam another Thomas book, only held on to it when I got home that night. “Sammy,” I said. “I bought you a surprise. The next time you can go poo-poo in the potty, you can have a new Thomas the Tank Engine book.”

The result was a bit more dramatic than I had expected. Sam shouted “I want to go sit on the potty NOW!” and whipped off her pants and diaper like both of them were secured by velcro and she was a Chippendale’s dancer reaching the end of his act. Before I could respond, she was naked from the waist down and bolting down the hall towards the bathroom.

The problem was, of course, that she had already gone earlier that day and the nature of the gastrointestinal process conspired against her attempts at earning her prize. She tried, though, oh how she tried. By the time the dinner hour rolled around she was still sitting there with a look of staunch determination on her face. We had to coax her down from the throne by explaining that if she had a big dinner it might work in her favor. Especially if she ate all her vegetables.

Here’s this week’s pictures, none of which relate to the story above.

There are several there of Sam with her cousin Molly, to whom she owes a great debt for all the barely worn hand-me-down clothes. They were out with some other members of the extended family at the local botanical gardens, where they had some kind of kiddie area with water sports. Sam also had her first chance to lick mixing batters, which was an experience so thoroughly pleasing that it appears to have thrown her into a temporary state of shock.

So, given all the changes we’ve thrown at Sam in the recent weeks –new home, new city, the pay-per-potty program described above– we decided it would be a good idea to throw one more at her. Next week we’re finally moving into our new house here in our new city. After living out of suitcases for two months, it’s definitely about time. We thought we’d just go ahead and spring the upgrade to a “big girl” bed on Sam, so she’ll be spending her nights in the new place trying to sleep in her new twin bed instead of the crib, for which we have other plans. I fully expect carnage and frustration galore as she gets up in the middle of the night to roam the house and pull things off shelves. Either that or she’ll learn to work the remote control and we’ll wake up to the high volume, maniacal laughter of Elmo at 2:16 in the morning.

Wish us luck.

Sam has a new favorite thing: the vibrating chair. Her grandma has one of those pads that you can drape over any recliner to turn it into a Vibromax 2000 Brand Muscle Buzzing and Relaxation Station, and once Sam gets on it it’s hard to get her off. Any suggestions that she dislodge herself in favor of other pursuits like bathing or eating are met with –and I quote– “I’m busy, Daddy.” Usually shouted over what sounds like the buzzing of a thousand extremely mellow bees.

Relaxing moments in the vibrating chair aside, Sam has a pretty active week. She once again went to the pool at Ger’s godparents’ house, out again on Saturday, and to a Father’s Day party that one of Ger’s cousins was throwing. And there was another pool there, which I had to take her in even though lightening storms blowing through the area presented the delightful twin threats of electrocution and hypothermia.

This Father’s Day was marked with unhappy undertones for myself, as it was the first one in my entire life that I didn’t have to wish my own dad a good one, thank him for everything he’s done for me, and promise him that his gift was a little late but totally on the way. Or would be after I bought it and put it in the mail, and let’s face it it’s just going to be a gift certificate because I’m awful at buying presents. I think this goes back to one Father’s Day in particular, when I was finally old enough to choose and buy a gift on my own and, inexplicably, settled on a mass-produced, godawful print from the frames department at Wal-Mart. I think there were ducks and a hunting dog and a sunset, all in various tones of brown, beige, and more brown. My dad was clearly taken aback when I gave it to him, but he recovered quickly and thanked me nonetheless. Though he apparently couldn’t help noting that it was certainly the last thing he had expected to receive. I think that most of my gift-buying difficulties stem from that event, as it presents a kind of mental road block where I just give up and take a detour onto Gift Certificate Lane.

Sam, on the other hand, seems to be a natural. She marked the special day on Sunday by presenting me with the Venture Brother’s Season 1 DVD set, still neatly wrapped in a Best Buy shopping bag. Which, of course, is five separate and distinct kinds of awesome.

Here’s some pictures:

You’ll notice that I’ve put Sam to work cleaning my car, but she was actually glad to do it and kept chirping “We giving Daddy’s car a bath!” the whole time. I preemptively dressed her in her swimming suit as I thought that the hose play would result in a soggy Sammy, but she displayed a healthy fear of the hose, yelling “Get out of the way! Get out of the way!” and running for higher ground whenever I reached for it. She did, however, enjoy the rainbows I created by setting it to “mist” and spraying it up into the sunlight.

The last thing I’ll mention this week is that Sam’s diction and pronunciation are coming along nicely. She uses pronouns quite deftly, referring often to “you” or “me” or “she” in the manner most sanctioned by international grammar laws. The only major challenge she still needs to conquer is her “S” and soft “C” sounds. She still almost always puts a “Sh” sound in there instead so that “snake” becomes “shnake” and “Percy” becomes “Pershy.” This normally isn’t a big deal, but can be a little embarrassing if we’re out in public when she gets tired of walking and announces to the world that she needs to “sit.”

Did you know you can play games with children? I mean not with them per se, but using them as pieces in your elaborate game of life? I’ve noticed that Sam has elevated mimicry to an art form. There’s almost nothing the won’t try to imitate if she sees someone else doing it. This is useful for teaching her basic life lessons like washing her hands or soldering computer components, but it also leads to some otherwise inexplicable behavior. I’ve decided to put co-opt this behavior for my own amusement.

For example, The other day Sam and I were playing with two orange candles –“Harmmy’s canal and Daddy’s canal” if she is to be believed. And relax, they were unlit. On a whim I held my candle up and shouted “Candle! Candle!” Sure enough, Sam hefted hers and parroted, “Canal! Canal!” The next day Ger was a bit confused when Sam wandered over to nearby table, grabbed a tea candle and started bellowing “Canal! Canal! Canal” why waiving it over her head.” Shhh… Don’t tell her why. It’s funnier this way.

Actually, Sam is surprisingly good about repeating back words. We were at Ger’s godparents’ for dinner last night and Sam was making the rounds, inspecting all the delicate, expensive things just waiting to be knocked over.

“Sammy,” said our hostess as Sam poked at a ceramic lion near the stairs. “Do you know what that lion’s name is?”

“No…” Sam said, searching her memory and apparently coming up short.

“He has a very complicated name.” Ger’s godmother continued. “I don’t think you’ll be able to even come close to saying it until you’re ten years old!” At this point she straightened up and said in a very important tone, “His name is Melchizedek.”

Sam gave her a halfway annoyed look and said, with perfect pronunciation, “Melchizedek.”

Come to think of it, that was a lot funnier than the whole candle thing. Maybe she’s playing us.

Here’s this week’s pictures:

It’s kind of “Sam’s Story: Swimsuit Edition” given that Sam made it to the pool twice this week –once at the hotel where I’m staying and again at the aforementioned dinner with Ger’s godparents.

Kind of a slow week this time around, so I’ll just start off with the pictures:

Sam did have one of her important firsts: her first baseball game. She actually got really excited about it when we started telling her that we’d be going. All day long it was “We going to a baseball game!” and “We going to a baseball game!” and finally “We going to a baseball game!” When we finally got there she looked everywhere except at the actual baseball game itself. It was like five billion degrees out even when you calculated in the windchill factor, so she did an admiral job of keeping herself hydrated. Too bad she seemed less interested in the game and more interested in kicking at the head of the lady sitting in front of us. She did, however, manage to count all the other people in the stadium. There were four, according to her best estimates.

One new thing I’ve noticed about Sam this week is that her energy levels have become really sporadic. Sometimes she’ll sit still for long periods of time, either watching television, scribbling in her coloring books, or even just cuddling with Geralyn. Other times, though, it seems like she’s bubbling over with energy and can’t sit still. The latter is usually when we’re trying to put her pants or socks on. There’s just something about the words “Sammy, let’s put your pants back on” that sends her into a full-on fit of burbling antics.

I’ve also noticed that she’s developing her own unique mannerisms, like twirling her hair or biting her lip and twisting her torso back and forth so that her arms swing back and forth like little fleshy whips whenever she’s reached a moment of indecisivenes. This is all very cool, of course, because it means that she’s developing her own personality and poker tells.

Finally, to close this week out, here are my 10 favorite things about Sam at the moment:

1. The way she pronounces “strawberry” as “saw boobie.” Better yet, “Strawberry Shortcake” becomes “Saw Boobie Hort Cake.”
2. Watching her put all her stuffed animals down for a nap with a kiss and a “Goodnigh. I love you.”
3. The way she’s picked up on the game of “Let’s find something green” (or white or red, or whatever) and how well she plays it.
4. The way she loves to water the plants in Grandma’s garden
5. The way she keeps saying “Thomas is a maheen” (as in “Thomas the Tank Engine”) after I taught her to classify things as animals, plants, people, or machines.
6. The way she proudly announces “I drinking from a big girl cup!” right before dumping the entire contents of said big girl cup down the front of her shirt.
7. The way she scoops up handfulls of bubbles from the bath and tries to blow them in my face.
8. The way she laughs when I lean in and blow them in hers first.
9. The way she would still eat black olives, refried beans, and red onion all day every day if we let her.
10. The way she says “Mmmmm! This is GOOD” when she likes something. Especially black olives, refried beans, and red onion.

I should really keep a list of these things.