I’ve been poking around the directories at BlogExplosion.com in the last few days, looking for new stuff to add to my RSS reader. I’ve found some really top notch stuff there, but after looking through probably a couple hundred blogs or so I’m also struck by how many of them are really terrible, too. I’d never claim that my site is the best of the best, but at least it’s not quite at the bottom of the distribution, either.
As a kind of public service, I’ve compiled a list of ten things that will make me stop reading your blog. Immediately. As soon as I encounter them. First impressions are often accurate, and these are the things that jumped out at me in my skimming:
1. The phrase “Random Thoughts”
Especially if used in the title of your blog or even the description. It doesn’t make you sound whimsical, at this point it makes you sound cliche. I don’t want to hear random thoughts, I want to hear well formed, well communicated ones that are either interesting or entertaining. The chances of these occurring randomly are, statistically speaking, poor.
2. Referring to yourself as “a bitch”
I know snark is the new black as far as blogs go, but coming right out and claiming to be bitchy in your blog name or “about” section is about as convincing as that kid in grade school who tried too hard to be cool. And about as embarrassing. (I make an exception for Bitch, Ph.D., because the Ph.D. balances things out. But that one’s taken, folks.) Snark can be good, snark can be great, but you’re better off showing than telling.
3. A picture of your cat
Look, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m not interested in your cat unless it’s doing something cool like knocking over a toddler. So leave out the blurry snapshots of Miss Muffins snoozing on top of your computer monitor.
4. Using the term “Lefties”
Or “righties” or “fundies” or any other catch-all, derogatory phrase that exhibits about as much mental flexibility as found in your average bigot. Lumping anyone different from you into broad categories and then hand-picking opportunities to blather about how wrong they are isn’t exactly making a contribution to the blogosphere, the internet, or the world in general.
5. An apology for not posting enough
Hey, you don’t owe me anything and if you want to quit blogging for any period of time, I’ll get over it. Seriously. And assuming you have a feed, my RSS reader will cheerfully tell me when you start again. And if you don’t have a RSS feed, I’m not reading you in the first place. Besides, in the time it took you to apologize and go through all the usual (read: uninteresting) reasons why you haven’t been posting you could have, you know, made an actual post.
6. Pretty much anything animated
Anything. If you insist on blog flair such as buttons, widgets, and other assorted crap, then at least keep it static so I can actually read your blog without being distracted by something out of the corner of my intense gaze. I don’t care if it’s a graphic increasing awareness of love cancer in baby puppies. If it animates, I’m going for the “close window” button.
7. Anything that makes noise or music without my clicking it
Stick to MySpace with this kind of nonsense, please.
8. Just posting some funny image or cartoon from another source
Ha ha, yes that widely distributed picture of a confused looking dog in a sweater is quite funny, especially with the witty caption beneath it that prescribes human thoughts and feelings to the aforementioned dog. Ha ha. Now stop it. Make your own content.
9. Repeated begging for me to vote for you in some kind of online poll
On basic principle. I’m looking at you, 2006 Weblog Awards nominees.
10. Mass manufactured drama
I know, I know. The comments beast must be feed and it hungers for drama. But if you have to resort to moaning about how HARD your life is because your grocery bag ripped while unloading the minivan or the contractors are taking an extra day to remodel your new kitchen, you’ll have to excuse me if I roll my eyes and move on. But being the professional character actor you’ve become, I’m sure it won’t bother you.
So, that’s my list. Did I miss anything?
I’m in total agreement this that list. I’m tired of hearing about “random thoughts” and “insignificant ideas”…if you think that little of your own thoughts why would I care to read about them? I don’t get it.
Great list!
DaveK
SCNews Publisher
I’ve been reading your site for a while now, having found it through trixieupdate.com about a year ago. New to the world of blogging though I am, I have already witnessed just about all of the pitfalls of the trade that you described. My addition to the list would be to expand the “pictures of your cat” section to include blurry, washed out, or generally bad pictures of anything. Meanwhile, if you’re looking for new blogs to visit, I’d love your opinion on mine. I’ll admit that there are pictures of my cats, however they’re in the minority, nestled in among dozens of other pictures I’ve taken of things entirely unrelated.
And with this post, you’ve just become a friend of mine. Hilarious.
How is a cat pic any different than the pic of the bird you posted?
Other than that, not a bad list!
This is a great list and it gives me an idea. Maybe, with all of your spare time, you could start a blog review. Yes, there are already some out there, but clearly you have an eye for what makes it good from the reader perspective – not the designer’s perspective who only cares if it looks good. I bet you could probably get some people to help out as well. Something to think about.
I TOTALLY agree with these things. My biggest hate is the uninvited music or videos though, which is why I made BAM!.
I’m also tired of the random thoughts, my boring blog etc. If they don’t think they are interesting, how on earth am I going to?
oops got the link wrong, it’s BAM!
Thanks for the comments, all!
Monkee: Nice site. I’ll e-mail you in a bit.
Tracy: Pictures of house cats are cliche. Pictures of birds at the zoo aren’t.
JGS: Not a bad idea, but I’ve got way more potential projects than time at this point. And I do care about design, but I realize that not everybody knows HTML, CSS, and Photoshop well enough to make their own. So I don’t bat an eye at default themes from whatever blogging service/software the site uses unless the color choices are horrendous.
Breigh: A noble cause!
Hey! Great post, even if I may be guilty of some of these myself.
For instance, at my Techsploration blog, I may have violated rule #1 (does starting my description of that blog with “Hopefully original thoughts” count against me?)
At my Love All Books blog, I think I violated rule #8 on the December 6th (though I was trying to convey something about who I am in the process), and I am going to be violating rule #6 in the near future when I add an animated gif as my logo (but, in my defense, the animation will only play one time).
For my other blogs (Famous Blogs, Web MaJoR, and Back Story) I don’t think I violated any of your rules.
So, overall though, I have to agree with you, and I’ve blogmarked your site to check back often (the only kids/family blog I’ve done that with!)
I am with you. The one that I most agree with, however, is number 7. If they have automatically starting media and they are in a BE battle. They don’t get my vote. EVER! I am on Breigh’s BAM blogroll, too.
You are right about the first impressins being the last and I agree with most of the points you have made here. Finding some good content among a sea of mediocre blogs can be a daunting task. I like the picture of the bird in the previous post.
Very well put. This list should go out to every new blogger (and a few old-timers who still break the rules).
I agree with many of those, especially when it comes to music or videos being force on me by another blogger.
Great post. I’ve only been guilty of number 8, but somehow I justify myself by only posting photo/Flickr related links thinking it somehow relates to my mostly photo-filled blog.
I still feel guilty every time I do it though.
I gots a pickchure of a goat on my blog. Is that bad? It ain’t my own goat. Thank you.
Sinceerly,
Miss Trailer Trash
Here! Here!
Well said.