I recently started listening to John Kennedy Tool’s A Confederacy of Dunces on CD. So far it’s fascinating, due maily to its singular main character, Ignatius J. Reilly. He is an idiot with a huge vocabulary, a severely stupid and beligerant man who spews colorful invictives at everyone he meets and sits in his dank bedroom spinning masterful works of fallacy and philosophy with only a pencil and stacks of Big Chief notebook paper. He’s the kind of guy who will spend thousands of words telling you why you’re a complete twit, yet in the end (and the middle, and the beginning) the irony is that his arguments, no matter how eloquent, are so ridiculous that he is the one who comes across as a half-wit.
I know his kind. They’re everywhere on the Internet.
That’s probably why I find Ignatius so fascinating. It’s also probably why I dislike him so much, despite Tool’s efforts to make the reader sympathetic. Open just about any gaming site messageboard and you’ll spot the Ignaciuses of the virtual world. Most lack his impressive diction or vigorous linguistic prowess, but the sentiment is the same: I’m right, you’re wrong, and your mere existence is an outrageous audacity that clamps my anus shut.
Some people in the gaming scene have even made a reputation for themselves impersonating Ignacius. The infamous Derek Smart is one. I also found an interesting thread on a website called “Quarter to Three” that linked to this article from a guy named Scott Wolf trying to get work at PC Gamer as a freelancer.
Wolf reprints an e-mail exchange between himself and PC Gamer’s Editor-In-Chief, Jeff Green. It’s great right off the bat:
Hi Jeff,
Scott Wolf here, late of PC Gamer, Computer Game Entertainment, Voodoo, etc.. I stumbled across the latest issue of CGW in a Walgreens the other day, literally amazed because I haven’t seen CGW (or PCG for that matter) on the newsstands in so long that I assumed they’d both since ceased print publication.
Anyway, I read your column about losing Scooter and Di and I wondered if perhaps it was time for me to come aboard, seeing as how CGW is the only PC Gaming mag I’ve never written for. I’ve been keeping busy by editing others and myself over at TotalWarfare.com where I’ve enjoyed the luxury of abandoning the whole concept of deadlines and the extreme luxury of being able to say whatever the **** I want with no fear of reprisal. I am, in fact, encouraged to raise as many hackles as possible.
Incredibly, Wolf goes on to tell the reader that “I was civil and respectful and made it clear that despite what’s on display here I’m perfectly capable of behaving myself when necessary, and I settled back to wait patiently for a reply.” The PC Gamer editor writes back in a huff, and hilarity ensues. Read them if you want a good laugh.
I swear, when I read these e-mails, it’s Ignatius J. Reilly from “A Confederacy of Dunces” that I hear speaking in his deep New Orleans drawl. It’s amazing. It baffles me how some people can demonstrate the intelligence to do things like create websites and write long-winded e-mails, then go on to prove that they are somehow fundamentally broken in the head by writing stuff like the above. They also fail to see (or fail to care if they do see) how others tug at their strings to make them dance their entertaining little dance. It’s like watching a gifted ballerina, except she’s projectile vomiting with every pirouette.
Anyway, I’m leaving in a few minutes for Thanksgiving in St. Louis. Have a good one yourself!
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