Metaphores as bad as really bad turns of speech

I try not to just link and run, but this list of really awful metaphores supposedly taken from actual writing exams still has me chuckling.

Some of my favorites:

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19 p.m.at a speed of 35mph.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

There are others, too.

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