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I just wanted some Doritos... December 14, 2004
I had a light lunch, so around mid-afternoon today I wanted a snack. Specifically, I wanted a bag of Doritos. Mmmm... Crunchy, salty, fake-cheese smelling, and covered in that orange powder. Just so. With this in mind, I embarked on a quest that turned out to be more epic and tragic than I expected.
I went to the downstairs break room and looked at the vending machine. There were no Doritos. Ruffles, Cheese-its, and Fritos, but no Doritos. So I walked back down the length of the building, up the stairs, and back down the length of the building to the upstairs vending machines. Here in the vending machine was an embarrassment of Doritos riches. Both Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch! Multiple bags! I whipped out my wallet and ...found only a ten dollar bill. The vending machine would not take a ten dollar bill. Groaning, I walked back down the length of the building, down the stairs, and back to my desk.
Once there, I fished around in my desk, my drawers, my pockets, and that old GameSpy coffee cup where I keep my spare change. And by "spare change" I mean "about a billion pennies." The vending machine, however, doesn't take pennies any more than it takes ten dollar bills. I think that's ironic or something. At any rate, I managed to scrounge up 75 cents in the form of six nickels, two dimes, and a quarter half covered in a mysterious green crust. So armed, I walked back down the length of the building, up the stairs, and back down the length of the building to the upstairs break room again.
Once there, I inserted the coins, listening to the satisfying KA-CHUNK! as they went in and watching the red numbers on the vending machine's display count up towards the price of my snacktastic prize. When I tried to put in the crusty green quarter, however, there was a different KA-CHUNK! sound, one immediately followed by the shrill CHING! sound of my coin being returned to me in the return coin slot. I tried again and again, but the machine apparently didn't like the mystery crust attached to my legal tender. Worse, the return change button responded to neither my pounding nor my cursing.
Normal men may have given up at this point, but I'm abnormal. I stomped down the length of the building, down the stairs, and back down the length of the building to the front door. I walked over to the cafeteria and demanded change for my ten dollar bill. I know I could have just bought Doritos from the cafeteria, but at this point is was a matter of principle. Plus the dang vending machine already had $.50 of my money it wasn't giving back. So I got my change, marched back to my building, went through the front door, walked up the length of the building to the stairs, went up the stairs, and walked down the length of the building to the vending machine. I inserted my change, decided on the Cool Ranch flavor, and triumphantly jabbed "B-6" into the keypad to select my snack.
No! Wait! A-6, not B-6. A-6! No! Not the Rolled Gold Pretzels! NO! NOOOO!
Clunk.
So now I sit here writing this, a half-eaten bag of pretzels testament to my hubris or something. Actually, they're not all that bad. I just need a Diet Coke to wash them down...
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Posted by shawn on December 14, 2004 3:35 PM:
Someone is trying to tell you something. :)
Posted by Ger on December 14, 2004 10:30 PM:
No! Not the Rolled Gold Pretzels! We have a bag of those at home!
Posted by Jamie on December 15, 2004 7:25 AM:
I KNOW. That makes it worse!
Posted by Joseph Lunt on April 2, 2006 5:27 PM:
have you tried the butter flavored snaps they are to die for